Lifestyle Changes

Health and wellness are two things that are so important to living a full, healthy life. I have struggled with my weight since before I can remember- literally. I have never been morbidly obese or too fat to function, but I was always just a little uncomfortable in my body. I grew to love my curves and became more accepting of what I looked like. Finally, about 3 years ago, I was actually quite pleased with the way I looked and confident in my appearance. I realized that I was just bigger than most people, and I accepted that. I still think I am a beautiful person with beautiful features... or should I say, BOUNTIFUL features?! I got on the scale for the first time since fall about a month ago and almost passed out when seeing the number (which I will NEVER reveal!). I realized that I had to make some changes, FAST! But it needed to be long term, not some stupid crash diet where I will give up in two days and gain back 15 more pounds.

A good friend of mine was always drinking green smoothies, so I went to her with questions first. I then concocted my first healthy, green smoothie. *Heavenly music* Since this moment, I have been a changed woman! I began by simply adding in a green smoothie each day between meals, just to boost the greens I got each day. I also stopped eating or drinking anything other than water after 7:00pm. About a week after, my aunt introduced me to the My Fitness Pal App. *Louder heavenly music* This is when I decided to start making some serious changes. Even with the smoothies, I realized that I was taking in more calories in one meal than I was allotted for ALMOST the entire day!! No wonder I was slowly becoming a whale, right?? In the past 3 weeks, I have learned more about bodies and nutrition than in my entire life.

The most important thing I learned is that it is absolutely ESSENTIAL to FUEL your body instead of fill it. Even though I was cooking from scratch and including veggies and protein with each meal, my meals were still not healthful. Homemade does NOT mean healthy! My second most important thing I learned is that the best fueling foods are just as, if not MORE, delicious than filler foods. Another think I learned is that when eating the correct fueling foods, my body did not feel hungry between meals, which cut out almost all the little snacks I was eating.

When I got the MyFitnessPal App, I began eating salads and only salads for lunch each day. So I would have a smoothie for breakfast then a salad for lunch, and would still make a regular dinner. For dinner, I simply started making healthier choices. I switched to only using ground turkey instead of ground beef, I use whole grain pasta instead of regular (or often times just use whole grain couscous, brown rice, or quinoa instead of pasta) I try not to drown the meal in cheese, and I add in spinach whenever humanly possible (pretty much anything creamy). I still make crazy things like cheeseburger casserole and stuffed creamy chicken shells, because I am not going to ever take away my favorite foods from myself! This is how people relapse and binge eat.

In just the past week I have learned about all these super foods, that I am slowly introducing to my diet! Chia seeds has been the most amazing thing Ive found. They taste like nothing and expand in your stomach to make you feel full! I throw them into every smoothie I make and I honestly and truly do NOT get hungry throughout the day! Quinoa is another delicious thing I have found, so delicious and healthy and can be spiced to go with almost any meal or craving! Frozen bananas have become my world, basically. They are perfect for making a creamy smoothie, to just eat as a snack, or with which to make ice cream! The list of new, healthful foods I have found goes on.

Because of my excitement for this new lifestyle, I have been sharing (with pretty much anyone who will listen) all the changes I have made and foods I have been finding. Often times, when I tell people I am making changes and that its causing my weight to drop, people instantly start suggesting dieting techniques. This is honestly, DRIVING ME CRAZY! I do not want to diet or even hear about the dieting strategies you use! I have tried dieting my entire life and it is not helpful! It may work for the time being, but I am not going to live the rest of my life counting Weight Watchers points, only eating clean meals, following a very specific workout routine, or having one "free day" each week. People do not realize that one "free" day could be detrimental to their nutritional and weight loss progress. What I am doing is not a diet, it is truly a lifestyle change. In fact, it has been gradual and delicious enough that I actually am finding that I enjoy this food way more than the food I was eating before, EVERYDAY. This way of life is going to help me become a healthier person. If pounds come off in the process, GREAT! If they do not, there are so many other benefits to this way of life.

The biggest thing I have realized is my headaches have pretty much gone away. I would say that I suffer from severe headaches at least 2 to 3 times a week. I do not mean like "aww, my head kind of hurts," kind of headaches, I mean like "Oww, I might die if I do not take drugs soon," everything goes black when I try to stand up, if I hear one more noise my head WILL explode, kind of headaches. They are terrible. But I have only gotten maybe one headache in the past three weeks. Another major thing I have realized is my digestion is beginning to regulate. I know this is a bit too much, but I would go two or three days feeling full, bloated, and just gross sometimes, and now my insides smile every day because of the healthy foods that are going through my body at an appropriate pace. A last thing I have realized is that I no longer require coffee! Of course, I indulge once in a while because of my love for the taste, but I used to feel that I would not make it through the day without a cup, especially in the afternoon. Now, I feel energetic and wired without drinking so much caffeine! It has been a beautiful transition.

All of this to say that being healthy is so so so so much different than being skinny. Tiny people can be healthy, and bigger people can be healthy. If you want to be skinny, then you should probably eat very little and exercise a ton. But if you are seeking a healthy body, lifestyle changes and educated choices is the key. I am so proud of myself for the changes I have made. I am also proud that I will be an educated mother and wife and know how to nourish my growing boys in the best ways. In 4 weeks, almost 5, I have lost 9.6 pounds. Although I am excited about that, I am way more excited for the other benefits of this change. I am confident that I will live a life that is healthy and long lasting.

Love is Greater

Is there a word stronger than love? Because I feel it. 

Tonight was one of those rare nights that all three of my boys were in bed asleep by 9:30pm and I, being the night owl that I am, stayed awake until... well. It is currently 11:45 and I plan on folding a load of laundry while watching a TV show still tonight. So probably until 12:30 or so. In this alone time, I would typically be thinking about how nice it is to relax and have some time to myself. But instead tonight, all I can think about is the word "love."

Love is so strong and so powerful, yet I feel something even greater for those three, perfect, sleeping boys upstairs. I would give my life for any one of them, I would do anything they needed, no questions asked. When I think about my real feelings deep down for my husband, I instantly tear up. When I think about the process of my children growing into the little men they have become, I get a tight not in my stomach from happiness. The feelings I have and the emotions that truly overwhelm me when I really think about any of the three, are obviously way more than love. There must be a word out there that can explain what I am feeling, but I have not found on yet. As I wrote my husband his "good morning" note tonight I almost just put, "I ______ you!" because I LOVE you does not relay the emotion that the word is meant to portray.

You know, some people say that I use the word perfect too much. They ask how I can truly believe things can be perfect. Well, my response is, how is one's own family NOT perfect? The definition of perfect is "having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics... absolute; complete." I DO have all the desired elements, qualities, and characteristics within the family Bobby and I have created. My life is absolute and complete. Even though I have a desire to do more things and accomplish more goals, knowing that I have achieved a wonderful marriage and started the lives of two boys who will grow into wonderful men someday is satisfying enough for me. If my life were to be taken tomorrow, I would not be disappointed or feel at a loss. Because I have achieved great things and am beyond pleased with my "perfect" family. Because to me, my family is just that. Perfect... for me. And I love each one of them more than I could ever, in a trillion years, express. I love them deeper than love.

"We do not know if life is greater than death, but love is greater than either."

Never Fear Shadows

I was not dealt an easy life, by any means. I have had moments where I really did not think it was worth it to continue and seriously questioned my purpose in this world. I, like anyone with a slight problem, blamed my parents for all my issues. A non-existent father and a mother who had her priorities in the exact opposite order of what I believed a parent should have them. The first 19 years of my life were not terrible, I was not physically abused, I did not go without ANY material items, and I had all the freedom a teen could dream of. Looking back, I now realize that these things probably contribute to the negative emotions I still fight sometimes. Although I have finally found real love, stability, comfort, and happiness, I still sometimes think about my days in the dark and pity myself just a smidgen.

Even though I hate some of the things I went through, especially in my later teenage years, I have realized that the portion of my life spent in the shadows is now over. Instead of blaming my parents and allowing myself to make poor choices, I have taught myself to forgive and make the most positive decisions I can. So many people are obsessed with their youth. Sometimes people spend their entire adult life wishing they were young again and did not have the responsibilities they have as adults. Sometimes they strive to look the exact same as they did when they were a teen. Sometimes they allow the negative parts of childhood to impact they way they raise a family and contribute to a marriage. Instead of being so obsessed with youth, is it not way more important to do your best in the present? Most of life is spent as an adult, growing older, maturing physically and mentally, as well as becoming wise with experience. Why can people not just let go of the challenging childhood and move on to the most important and rewarding part of life? The part of life that we are in the majority of the time we are on this earth. 

Instead of being sad that I am no longer a young person who has little cares, I am so happy that I am finally a person who has all kinds of responsibilities. Some people say that I am not who I used to be, but what I realized is that who I used to be is not truly who I was. I was not being myself at that time because my emotions were running wild. I have finally found my true self and am more than content with the way I am. But I would not be this happy with myself, my choices, or my life, if I had not had those moments of darkness in my youth. I have forgiven those who contributed to those feelings, even if they had not apologized. And I have found the real me that was lying beneath the whole time.

"Never fear shadows. For shadows only mean there is a light somewhere near by."