Never Fear Shadows

I was not dealt an easy life, by any means. I have had moments where I really did not think it was worth it to continue and seriously questioned my purpose in this world. I, like anyone with a slight problem, blamed my parents for all my issues. A non-existent father and a mother who had her priorities in the exact opposite order of what I believed a parent should have them. The first 19 years of my life were not terrible, I was not physically abused, I did not go without ANY material items, and I had all the freedom a teen could dream of. Looking back, I now realize that these things probably contribute to the negative emotions I still fight sometimes. Although I have finally found real love, stability, comfort, and happiness, I still sometimes think about my days in the dark and pity myself just a smidgen.

Even though I hate some of the things I went through, especially in my later teenage years, I have realized that the portion of my life spent in the shadows is now over. Instead of blaming my parents and allowing myself to make poor choices, I have taught myself to forgive and make the most positive decisions I can. So many people are obsessed with their youth. Sometimes people spend their entire adult life wishing they were young again and did not have the responsibilities they have as adults. Sometimes they strive to look the exact same as they did when they were a teen. Sometimes they allow the negative parts of childhood to impact they way they raise a family and contribute to a marriage. Instead of being so obsessed with youth, is it not way more important to do your best in the present? Most of life is spent as an adult, growing older, maturing physically and mentally, as well as becoming wise with experience. Why can people not just let go of the challenging childhood and move on to the most important and rewarding part of life? The part of life that we are in the majority of the time we are on this earth. 

Instead of being sad that I am no longer a young person who has little cares, I am so happy that I am finally a person who has all kinds of responsibilities. Some people say that I am not who I used to be, but what I realized is that who I used to be is not truly who I was. I was not being myself at that time because my emotions were running wild. I have finally found my true self and am more than content with the way I am. But I would not be this happy with myself, my choices, or my life, if I had not had those moments of darkness in my youth. I have forgiven those who contributed to those feelings, even if they had not apologized. And I have found the real me that was lying beneath the whole time.

"Never fear shadows. For shadows only mean there is a light somewhere near by."